This was my life over a year ago (mid 2017), trying to find a way out of personal training and health coaching. This post is inspired by a journal entry  I wrote as a result of using my own, ADD Method: Get Clarity Process. The problems I was struggling at that time were: how to position myself as a life coach, and; knowing my unique and authentic message.


Do you ever feel like you’re not doing what you are supposed to be doing?

I don’t mean laundry, work, or a project.

I mean your calling.

And why is it a calling?

A calling brings to mind someone far away, trying to get your attention. Your head is down, unaware, trapped in worry or fear, not present. 

“DARREN! Over here!”

She’s calling me (I don’t know why it’s a she but that’s what I’m sensing, now).

Something I’ve been doing for so long, for too long, isn’t me anymore. But that work has helped me become more of me, and has lead me to what really inspires me.

“We teach what we need to learn for our own growth and transformation.”

This list includes,

  • Listening
  • Saying less
  • Being present
  • Mindfulness
  • Mind-body in-tune-ment
  • Rest
  • Fun
  • LOVE 

I’ve been building parts of my business on the back of a skill set I no longer want to practice regularly. I won’t give it up. That would be silly at this point for what I can still learn from it. I only need to reframe it. I need to contain it within TEACHING and COACHING.

I don’t want to do what everyone else is doing. 

I don’t want to repeat information, technique, or skills that are so easily accessible.

I DO WANT to be fully creative. And when I’m creating, I’m present. I’m seeing, hearing, sensing, feeling, being in the moment with who I’m with.

And all of this is what “appears” to be my #1 challenge: how do I market that?

I have to allow others to be part of this process. I need to invite others into my experience, to facilitate expansion so they can chose from the paths before them.

Clarity will come with practice, with showing up, and with involving others who want to partake in this creative process of transformation.


Living Life by Design

How did the above contemplation turn out for me?

At the end of 2017 I transitioned from health and fitness coaching into the queer coach. I was almost there! I was enamoured with the word queer, because I was also newly publishing a magazine on Medium called Th-Ink Queerly.

The ADD Method – Get Clarity free book by Darren Stehle

I processed a bit more, and dug deeper to get even more clarity until I realized that it wasn’t so much about thinking differently, instead it was about Living Out the best of who you are.

It might seem like it was a long process, getting to the point where I created a message and a brand around the Living OUT coach. It was simply part of the process, which is not necessarily something we can limit with time constraints.

All we can do is to be fully present in the process.

Creating what we most want, bringing our desires and dreams to life is how we live by design. And it all starts with getting clarity.