What’s Out of Your Control, Right Now?


Part 1 of my “How to Create Trust & Certainty” process.

I’m excited to announce that I have uploaded the first part of my “How to Create Trust & Certainty in Challenging Times” process to my Queer Leadership group on Facebook.

I’ve prepared a detailed video instruction along with a PDF worksheet that will guide you through the process of understanding the two faces of control:

  1. What’s Out of Your Control?
  2. Understanding Reaction versus Response (which is how you get control)

When we have certainty or control in our lives, we don’t feel under threat.

Navigating the COVID-19 pandemic is a massive social disruption for which none of us have certainty. This is a perfect and current example that explains why so many people are reacting as if they are out of their minds.

For example, people are arguing and sharing triggering articles on social media mostly as a knee-jerk reaction in an attempt to validate the insecurity they are feeling because there is no trust at the moment; there is no prediction and response.

For many LGBTQ+ people, we are more attuned to disruption — in how we exist within the status quo and seek to transform societal norms. Our insights and experiences at this time could help others if we lead from our difference.

What Is Control?

Control is an idea about what we feel we can trust and what we know or believe to be true or for certain. With knowledge of past events we have a set of predictions and responses that allow us to create certainty and trust in our lives; in other words, control.

Of course, control can mean other things, but in this specific sense, this is about the control you believe that you have about your life — your available choices and responses.

The more control you have in your own life, the more easily and naturally you can respond to events that show up in your life and environment instead of reacting.

Having a sense of control is what gives us certainty and trust and that comes from established predictions that allow us to respond with logic, planning for future events, and coming up with creative solutions.

How can you establish more control in your life, right now?

You start by getting clear about what is specifically and exactly out of your control. Find out how in this mini-coaching program, “What’s Out of Your Control?

Get Control!
By Darren Stehle

Darren is a leadership coach in Toronto, Canada who helps his clients to connect and embrace their uniqueness and freely create the life they want. He writes and podcasts regularly about Queer Leadership.