What to Do When You’re Confused, Frustrated, and Doubt Your Leadership Abilities (It Starts with You)

Neglecting your own well-being is one of the greatest obstacles to effective leadership

Here’s what I believe:

You can't care for others if you don't first care about yourself.

You can’t make a meaningful, influential, or transformative difference in the world if you are ignoring your physical and emotional health and well-being.

Some might call this “self-care” but I like to think of this as self-mastery.

Mastery calls up images of an artisan or an Olympic athlete, each having abilities that appear unattainable, but are the result of countless hours of dedicated focus, motivation, and the desire to become expertly proficient at their task.

Self-mastery doesn’t need to be thought of as an unattainable goal, like a Sage or Buddha having mastery of their emotions and well-being.

What I mean by self-mastery in the realm of self-care is that you are conscious of your ability to observe yourself—in action—and not blame external circumstances for your behaviours, thoughts, and choices.

Mastery of one’s self is the conscious awareness that what goes on inside of you also has an effect outside yourself. This simple understanding is what connects us all and what cultivates a common humanity of dignity and respect.

So let’s dive into self-care, what that means, and specifically, my acronym for CARE: Caring, Attention, Recognition, and Enthusiasm.

Caring

Caring is the regular practice of tending to all aspects of your well-being: physical health, fitness, nutrition, and emotional and mental health

How much of a priority is your physical health and fitness? Be brutally honest based on the consistency, frequency, and most importantly, quality of your practices.

• How does that choice affect everything else in your life, from your leadership, productivity, relationships, self-love, and so on?

What would change in your life if you elevated the importance of caring for all aspects of your body: from your mental health to your physical fitness, sleep and recovery?

• What is one small action you can take today to improve your overall well-being and turn it into a habit?

Attention

Attention involves being consciously aware of your thoughts, emotions, and energy levels, and understanding how they shape your behaviour and focus.

Most of us like to be around others who lift us up in some way. Maybe they see the best in us, they support and encourage us, or they are simply a lovely person to be around.

• Do you believe that person is aware of those qualities in themselves?
• Can you imagine how they take care of themselves to be the leader others aspired to be?

What are you like to be around when you have no control of your mind or emotional state?

• What would change in your life if you were conscious of the environments, situations, or triggers that “sabotage” your self-mastery—and had the ability to reign yourself in and regain self-control?

Recognition

Recognition of others is seeing who they are in yourself—and vice versa. This is how you value and respect others in the same way that you feel you deserve to be treated.

You’ve probably heard the expression, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The Golden Rule reminds us to treat others as we wish to be treated, but it also calls for recognizing our shared humanity—seeing ourselves reflected in others.

• What does your treatment of others reveal about your own mindset and capacity for compassion?
• If you are thinking (or acting on) hateful or prejudiced thoughts about another person, what does that say about you?

Recognition doesn’t mean that you have to agree with or like the other person, but you can choose to afford them the same dignity and respect you deserve—which I believe is universal.

• How do you believe you deserve to be treated? What’s your bare minimum? Is that enough for you to feel human—to feel accepted, recognized, and understood?
• What’s one thing you can put into practice that will remind you to act on the inherent value and dignity of all people?

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is the fluid connection between your energy, emotions, and environment, shaping your motivation and enjoyment in any activity.

Imagine if you felt enthusiastic about meeting new people, curious about how you perceive and behave in the world, excited to eat well, enjoyment in your fitness routine of choice, and making time for creativity and playfulness.

If any or all of that seems like a tall order, consider what is making you think and feel that way.

• How would your perspective about yourself and others change if you felt more enthusiasm, enjoyment, or enthusiasm in the various areas of your life?
• Can you identify the ONE thing that you can practice daily to create this shift?

Putting Self-Care Into Practice

We’ve covered a lot of ground in the realm of self-care.

If you want to put these ideas into practice, I invite you to start by first answering the questions I posed for each element of the CARE acronym.

Then, choose the one that really stands out to you as having the greatest potential impact on your life. Figure out what you need to do to implement that habit or practice. Lastly, consider what reason you might come up with to avoid your new self-care practice, and what you will do to counteract those excuses.

Share your new self-care habit—or a mindset shift you’re working on—in the comments, and let me know how you plan to make it a lasting practice.

Be Well 🙏

Darren