Behold, these are the 10 Commandments of the Heteronormative Patriarchy for gay men who want to blend in, fit in, act like everyone else, and be respectable!

  1. Thou shalt judge other gays.
  2. Thou shalt hold your voice silent when others make homophobic comments.
  3. Thou shalt minimize talking about your sex or love life, if at all.
  4. Thou shalt control your mannerisms, never flamboyant or feminine.
  5. Thou shalt never make a straight man feel uncomfortable with your eyes.
  6. Thou shalt act like “one of the boys” and fit in.
  7. Thou shalt keep conversations safe and inclusive for straights.
  8. Thou shalt wear clothes that don’t make you stand out.
  9. Thou shalt keep silent when men degrade and objectify women.
  10. Thou shalt never break the rules.

Follow the Rules of the Status Quo at Your Peril.

Keep yourself boxed in. Mind the door of your closet. So long as you don’t come too far out, you’ll have a place in privileged society and you won’t ruffle any feathers.

Stand Up, Speak Out, and Live Proud!

If you’re not visible, if your voice is silent and you’re not heard we can’t make progress and we won’t change hearts and minds. If you keep playing by the rules — the rules the status quo wants you to follow — nothing will every change and nothing will get better.


Originally published with video as, The 10 Commandments for Being a Respectable Gay Man.

Image credit: Kevin Trotman, Georgia Guidestones

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