I was 19 years old and had been going out to gay bars for about six months. It was a warm summer night in 1985 as I leaned against a post by the dance floor, sipping my beer, enjoying the music, and watching the men – the beautiful, sweating, dancing, sexy men.

He sauntered up to me with a grin that said ‘I want to taste you’. With a few pleasantries and names exchanged, he pressed himself against me and tried to tongue the pole behind my head through the back of my mouth. Not long after that we went back to his place where I spent the night fucking him.

It was so much easier in the 80s, meeting men.

Or at least it seems now that it was easier, or is it that I was easier?

Before all the dating apps, before online dating websites, and even before telephone dating personals, there were the bars. So much has changed in the last 40 years when it comes to how we now meet new people – and not just for sex, and not only for gay men.

In today’s episode I talk about how online dating apps have commodified desire, allowing us to choice our “mate of the day” like we might order groceries or a pizza online.

No more going out and meeting people in social situations. You can browse online from the comfort of your couch and simply “order in”. But what social graces have we lost, and how has online dating changed how we interact with others?

Today’s episode is inspired by a post of the same name that I wrote last year on Th-Ink Queerly.


Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com ~ Cover Photo (Drag show at Woody’s, Toronto)

Queer Thought Leadership Newsletter
Get a short email update every Saturday with the latest articles, podcast, and ideas to help you use your difference to make a difference.