28 Jan 2025 6 min read self-care

Leading with Heart: The Balance Between Leadership and Self-Care

Isn't it ironic that leadership challenges often arise from our emotional struggles?

Last week I wrote that leadership is about community:

True leadership is a shared, human-hearted endeavour to create meaningful change in the world. It is a commitment to recognizing and respecting the dignity and worth of every person. It’s about standing together to face challenges that no one should bear alone.

Isn't it ironic that I encourage change-makers to stand up courageously and proudly for what they know is right—ethically supporting a common humanity of dignity and equity—and yet, I wasn’t demonstrating respect for others through my choice of words in a particular article.

It’s clear what happened: I misplaced my compass—the inner guide that helps me embody my core values of freedom, equanimity, and creative expression.

Isn't it ironic that I forgot my mantra:

If you don't FEEL well, you can't LEAD well.

Looking back on what I was going through last week—and what many of us are navigating—I realize I lost my direction because I was going too fast and I was reacting instead of responding. In other words, I wasn’t showing up authentically or living my values as I strive to do.

This is one of the many challenges of leadership: we’re human. When we’re stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, overtired, or angry (just to name a few common struggles), we can’t lead well.

A moment of reflection.

Last Tuesday, I published the article, “Tragically, Sometimes Things Must Get Worse Before They Improve.” In it, I wrote about how leadership is rooted in community and support, and how we don’t have to face challenges alone. I thought I was on a roll.

But then I disappeared. The week’s events took an emotional toll on me. The very real threats from the incoming American president against the LGBTQ+ community were deeply discouraging and frightening. These attacks feed into prejudice and violence, even here in Canada. And that’s just one of many shocking "executive orders" affecting basic human rights and freedoms. (1)

Sometimes, standing up in the heat of the moment is the right thing to do. Other times, it’s the wrong thing at the wrong time. I caught myself broadly labeling and categorizing a group of people. That choice doesn't align with the person I aim to be.

Of course, my feelings were valid but just because something feels true to me doesn’t mean saying it out loud will help create meaningful change. Nor is it right to categorize everyone who voted for one candidate as all the same.

The question I keep coming back to is this:

Who are you BEING when you stand up in those moments?

Historically, when I’m in emotionally charged situations, I tend to (over)-react. My emotions take the wheel, and I’m unable to respond from a calm and centred place of understanding. That’s when it becomes challenging to embody my values of freedom, equanimity, and creative expression.

Those moments of reactivity are when I most need to nourish my values—through contentment, understanding, and curiosity.

The Struggle to Respond Rather Than React

When I'm in reaction mode, it's easy to say things like, “This group of people is like this,” or, “You need to do this,” or, “You can’t do that.” I fall into categorizing people in a way that feels right at the time but doesn’t align with whom I want to be.

My coach once offered me this sage advice:

‘When we categorize people or become entrenched in our beliefs, the other person or group does the same. They become further entrenched in their behaviours and beliefs.’

The same is true for me. When someone attacks my position, beliefs, or identity, my visceral response is to fight back. It’s not a physical fight, but an emotional one—standing up for myself. I raise my voice, elevate my language, and posture defensively. But that kind of reaction rarely helps me achieve what I’m truly aiming for.

The Importance of Self-Care and Reflection

Instead of pushing myself to publish content for the rest of the week, I gave myself a break to focus on self-care. I needed to reflect on where my attention was going, how I was recognizing the inherent dignity of others, and whether I was inspired by enthusiasm. These are my four principles for self-care, encapsulated in the acronym CARE: Caring, Attention, Recognition, and Enthusiasm.

I wasn’t feeling enthusiastic last week. Not even a little!

Instead, I felt fear, panic, anxiety, stress, and anger. And there’s nothing wrong with those emotions—that's what makes us human. The challenge is deciding what to do as a result of experiencing those emotions. Do you respond by taking care to step back and re-orient yourself, or do you reactively do the first thing that comes to mind?

We all stumble. Yet the question remains: Do we erase our mistakes or own them after the fact? For me, the answer is to own them.

There’s a saying in leadership circles:

We teach what we most need to know.

Why is this important? When something deeply inspires or motivates us, we naturally want to share it with others. And by teaching what we are learning, we are actively engaging in the creation of who we want to be as leaders.

What Inspires Me: Human-Hearted Leadership

What inspires me most is helping others become more skillful at being the change they intend to see in the world. That requires a kind of compassionate leadership that encourages others to follow your example.

Human-Hearted Leadership asks us to prioritize our well-being, think logically and reasonably, and act with an open heart. It’s about showing up authentically and creatively, finding ways to get work done while staying true to our values.

This is the foundation of my “BE WELL Principles,” which support my leadership philosophy:

Your wisdom, leadership, and guidance are precisely what someone, somewhere, needs right now. Don’t hold yourself back. You make a difference every time you stand up courageously and proudly for what you know is right, ethically supporting a common humanity of dignity and equity.

My BE WELL Principles are:

Well-Being: Thoughtful attention to my mental, emotional, and physical health.
Virtue Ethics: Knowing what I stand for, why I believe what I believe, and having a code of conduct for ethical action.
Logical Reasoning: Balancing open-mindedness, logic, and heart-centred thinking to make humane decisions.
Creative Expression: Communicating ideas effectively and leading with creative authenticity.
Personal Methodology: Managing my energy, not just my time, to stay productive and aligned with my natural flow.
Leading from Human-Heartedness: Cultivating personal excellence and self-mastery through responsibility, dignity, and equity.

This is why I end everything I publish with "BE WELL."

How Are You Doing?

How are you managing your emotions with everything that’s going on in the world?

What steps are you taking to navigate the path forward that is in alignment with how you want to show up and lead—both yourself and those you support?

Comment below or send me a DM.

🙏 Be Well,

Darren

Here are a two ways I can support you.

Are you ready to lead with authenticity and human-heartedness? Let’s have a conversation about creating meaningful impact and influence in 2025. Together, we’ll explore how to align your leadership with your core values and inspire change where it matters most.
If the reflections in today's post resonate with you, join me on a journey to cultivate dignity, equity, and shared humanity. Sign up for my newsletter to receive guidance for navigating leadership with compassion and authenticity.