Coaching With Darren

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What Brought You Here? 

If you’re anything like me, you’re a deep thinker, you lead a self-examined life, and you’re a life-long learner. You want to make the world a better place. You might be a writer, an academic, a social justice entrepreneur, or working in a leadership role — or working towards one of those fields as your goal.

You’re an introvert, intuitive, analytical, and a keen observer of the world. You seek the truth and you tell it like it is (which sometimes gets you into trouble). Small-talk is anathema to you; you prefer a thought-provoking conversation with one person over meeting 10 random strangers at a party.

What about the dark side?

When things don’t go your way you feel like something is wrong with you. You get quiet and shut down. You seek perfection, trying to control every detail —including the expectations of others. You doubt yourself and become defensive when you don’t feel respected for what you believe to be true, or validated for your perspective. You can’t hide how you are feeling and you wear your emotions on your sleeve.

When you discover the behaviours and thoughts that are holding you back, you can implement new practices to get what you want. 

One of the principles of my coaching philosophy is that our emotions are the ultimate decider of our behaviours, habits, and choices — good or bad. What we feel determines what we think; what we think determines what we say. If our words shape our reality, it is important to choose our words with care (and awareness) to manifest what we want in life. The better we feel and the better our thoughts, the easier it will be for you to create what you love, transform your life, and make a difference in the world.

What’s It Like Coaching with Me?

Whether it’s your first time or if you’ve worked with a coach in the past, every coach is unique. And that’s why you’re here; to find out what it’s like coaching with me.

First, I want to make a distinction for the sake of clarity. Coaching with me is not about expectations. Coaching with me is an agreement of understanding of my role and responsibilities in the process, and just as important, your role and responsibilities.

I create a space for tranquillity and safety for my clients where personal transformation can occur. 

Think of coaching as an experience of abundance, a container in which you can let go of time and worry to explore yourself and to find solutions to the challenges and struggles that have been holding you back from what you want to accomplish.

For that experience to happen, there needs to be a high level of trust, clarity, and focus before we can work towards you creating a direction for where you want to go and strategies for how you plan to get there.

Freedom, Wellbeing, Transformation 

Below are my core values that inform everything I do in every aspect of my life. I bring these values into the coaching experience as part of who I am. 

  • Freedom is how you feel without resistance or conditions. Freedom allows for the greatest forms of creativity, self-expression, self-estimation, and abundance. 
  • Wellbeing is living with vitality, joy, peace of mind, and a connection with the natural world. 
  • Transformation is continual self-actualization which comes from the freedom to live your life to its fullest capacity and to be fully authentic.

Love and accept yourself without conditions to freely create the life you want to experience.

No Judgment Zone

Trust is the safety I create for you to feel that you can share with me whatever you need to say without any judgment from me. Trust also requires peace of mind and a heart-centred calmness. One of the reasons for working with a coach is to have the coach figuratively lend the client their prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain that does the deep thinking, creating, planning, and strategizing.

You see, you probably know what you need to do and what you want to accomplish, but you’re not doing it. Why is that? What’s holding you back? What fears or resistance are you dealing with? What habits, routines, or behaviours are blocking you from doing what you know you need to do?

I help you to get back “into your mind” and create freedom

When you know what you need to do but you’re not doing it, you are NOT using (or at least not completely) your prefrontal cortex. Instead, you are being held back by the needs of the parts of your brain seeking safety from threat (the amygdala), security, comfort, connection, and love (the mammalian brain).

Another word that explains the above is resistance — this can be felt as stress, threat, worry, anxiety, anger, frustration, annoyance, sadness, and so on. Resistance shows up when we are faced with any form of change in life. The bigger the potential change, the greater the resistance, unless you know how to handle resistance. In other words, resistance is any situation in which you are uncertain (a lack of prediction in your environment) and therefore unsure of how to respond (what next step or action to take).

In order to help you get into the part of your brain where you can come up with your own solutions based on your lived experience, and to build upon what you already know, you need someone to help you get into a space of tranquillity. When your basic needs are being met, you can then better respond to a challenging situation and do what you know you need to do.

My Roles & Responsibilities

My primary role as your coach is to provide support by being fully present, observant, and curious when we are working together. It is not my role to be didactic — I will not give you clarity, direction, focus, or strategy. As your coach, I will ask questions to help guide you to explore and discover these elements yourself. If necessary, I may challenge you when you’re stuck and can’t seem to find your own solutions. 

My responsibility is to make coaching a safe and judgement-free space for you. I will help you make associations with your previous experiences so that you can create your own solutions and transform your life.

The questions we ask ourselves determine our perspective and world-view within the formation of our answers.

Your Roles & Responsibilities

Your primary role is to be honest with what you feel is the best possible answer to my questions. There is nothing to be afraid, ashamed, or embarrassed about with me. Share with me whatever you feel comfortable with. Share the maximum level of our truth at the moment, but don’t feel that you need to tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. 

Your responsibility is to yourself and expanding your comfort zone. Sometimes you might get frustrated with my questions. You might wonder why I’m asking something in particular, or maybe you feel resistance and you don’t feel like answering. Both “reactions” are fine — just do your best and decide at the moment if you feel comfortable going there. 

Also, realize that there’s no pressure to find “the right answer.” Sometimes that’s not the point of a session, instead, it may be that what you needed most was clarity, direction, or simply support. Getting into that space of tranquillity may allow for a profound awareness or solution to arise after the session. 

Lastly, you may leave a session on a high, excited that you have connected the dots for an idea and ready to take action. Other times you might feel sad or silly for whatever you learned. In these instances, I may offer you practices for when you notice certain things showing up in your life to help with the process of personal transformation.

Embrace and celebrate your uniqueness to experience more joy and improved wellbeing.

Your Investment

Our work together is based on your desire, curiosity, and commitment to create lasting transformation and design your ideal life. My work is not based on the clock; it’s based on the work we do together that supports your transformation. Coaching with me is a commitment for 3-months and an investment of CAD 2,250. This includes three deep coaching sessions per month to support you with getting clarity, finding direction. and creating your own strategies to create the life you want. Email support is provided in-between sessions in a structured manner to be discussed. After this initial period, we can discuss renewal options specific to your needs.

Curious to find out more? Click the button below to request a complimentary exploration session.

Darren is a leadership coach in Toronto, Canada who helps his clients to connect and embrace their uniqueness and freely create the life they want. He writes and podcasts regularly about Queer Leadership.