CategoryComing Out

From Sissy Boys to Straight-Acting Gay Men

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Forgiveness and Self-Acceptance Starts with Understanding Our Gay Shame. Forgiveness allows you to live in the now, to have the self-worth to be able to let go of your past and all the transgressions you may have suffered – but not to condone or forget the actions of others. Gay men can lead humanity with a new model of forgiveness through their...

Is Forgiveness of Homophobia a Gay Male Gift? LOP030

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In this episode, I speak about the challenge for gay men to forgive homophobia in their lives – be it from individuals, family, and society at large. The topic for the episode was inspired by a discussion of models of forgiveness in Raymond L. Rigolisoso’s ground-breaking book, “Gay Men and The New Way Forward” and from his coaching group...

I Knew I Was Gay When I Was Five Years Old

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For as long as I can remember I’ve always known, but for the longest time it wasn’t a feeling of pride. It was a combination of fear, guilt, shame, unrequited desire, silence, isolation, and otherness. I was five or six years old when I went to a girl’s house to play. I don’t remember if she was from school or one of the kids in the neighbourhood...

What Does “Living OUT the Best of Me” Feel Like?

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As a gay man, what would it mean to live out the best of you? For me it’s about understanding if I’ve left the best parts of me in the closet, and which of those parts I want to bring out and enjoy living. Let me give you an example from my own life. When I was a teenager growing up in the early 80s, I loved watching figure skating, gymnastics...

Shoving My Queer Agenda in Your Face — Take It!

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For as long as I can remember it’s always been a man and a woman. For as long as I can remember it’s always been about god. For as long as I can remember it’s always been about fitting in. I have never had sex with a woman. I never want to. I have known I was gay since I was five years old, but I didn’t know the words. I don’t believe in god. The...

Kevin Spacey, #MeToo, And The Problem Of Gay Shame

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“As those closest to me know, in my life I have had relationships with both men and women. I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man. I want to deal with this honestly and openly and that starts with examining my own behaviour.” The above is Kevin Spacey’s response to Anthony Rapp’s...

By Fitting In Have You Left the Best Parts of You In The Closet?

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One of my biggest realizations from reading The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs was that my success in life is directly related to my experience of having grown up in the closet. The truth is I’m not afraid of success. Rather, I sometimes shy away from other people SEEING me as successful! I have been successful in many areas of my life and I’m aware of...

You’re Gay, Out, and Successful – Is That All There Is?

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The trappings of normality in the straight world come with a cost. Fitting in requires an investment of false energy (you not expressing who you are). Do you have the things everyone else does, like a house, a car, 3–4 weeks of vacation per year, marriage, children, etc.? It’s easy to get lost in your career, pursing one achievement after the...

Darren is a leadership coach in Toronto, Canada who helps his clients to connect and embrace their uniqueness and freely create the life they want. He writes and podcasts regularly about Queer Leadership.