fitting into boxes - ricardo-gomez-angel-355247

By Fitting In Have You Left the Best Parts of You In The Closet?

One of my biggest realizations from reading The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs was that my success in life is directly related to my experience of having grown up in the closet.

The truth is I’m not afraid of success. Rather, I sometimes shy away from other people SEEING me as successful! I have been successful in many areas of my life and I’m aware of the difference between success and accomplishment, which I talk about in, “How Does It Feel When You’re Living Your Calling?”

An Interesting Paradox

If I want to help people think more queerly, the think outside of the status quo, I need to be fully out, vulnerable, and take risks. But at the same time, the young Darren that once lived in the closet likes the safety of not being recognized.Read More »By Fitting In Have You Left the Best Parts of You In The Closet?

open doors philipp-berndt-173197

You’re Gay, Out, and Successful – Is That All There Is?

The trappings of normality in the straight world come with a cost.

Fitting in requires an investment of false energy (you not expressing who you are). Do you have the things everyone else does, like a house, a car, 3–4 weeks of vacation per year, marriage, children, etc.?

It’s easy to get lost in your career, pursing one achievement after the other. You neglect your health and your partner, unaware you’re still trying to silence the pain of being gay.

There is nothing wrong with having any of those things, like possessions or a successful career. But they can be distractions showing up as external validation. Fitting in, being seen as a success, helps you deal with your gay shame. Your outward achievements help you feel good enough in the eyes of others, but they doesn’t make you feel proud.

Being out and unapologetically fucking PROUD is a huge act of defiance.

Often as a gay man we feel there’s got to be more to life, that something is missing. How do you see your way out of the box if you don’t even realize you’re in one?Read More »You’re Gay, Out, and Successful – Is That All There Is?

Steve Walker - Silence

If You’re a Gay Man, Do You Feel Good Enough?

For many gay men it’s challenging to feel good enough, like we belong, and have an equal place in society.

Sometimes I wonder what holds me back, why that voice inside my head tells me I won’t succeed. Recently I was reminded of my childhood and how isolated and unwanted I felt by my peers. This has had a profound affect on my emotional, intellectual, and psychological development.

Faggot, Queer, Gay Boy, Sissy… What were you called?

At a very young age, when you’re brain is still in a developmental growth stage, what is the effect of not feeling good enough? How is your emotional intelligence affected? What behaviours are created to protect and deflect criticism and to have any sense of self-worth?Read More »If You’re a Gay Man, Do You Feel Good Enough?

Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat

The Day I Felt No Longer Alone As A Gay Teen

I remember when I first heard the song, Smalltown Boy, by Bronski Beat.

If memory serves me, it was a sunny day with clear skies and I was driving my car, a 1980 Ford Granada with red vinyl seats. The kind of seats that would burn your skin if the car had been sitting out in the sun, windows closed, when you first sat down in shorts and a tank top.

The song came on the radio, my favourite station, CFNY 102.1 in Toronto. It was early 1984.

The video makes my heart sing as much as it brings me to tears.Read More »The Day I Felt No Longer Alone As A Gay Teen

Reinvent Yourself: I Broke Up With Him Yesterday And Now I’m Free

I had to finally let him go.

It wasn’t sudden or unexpected. Our relationship has been breaking down for some time. It started last July and the distance grew greater between us with every passing week.

I was on to someone new. I had my excitement back. It was like my mojo had been re-energized.

It had nothing to do with disrespect, or unfaithfulness. It wasn’t me and it wasn’t him. The two of us simply drifted apart.

The wonderful thing is that he will always be with me. He’s much a part of me as I am of him.

The person I’m leaving is myself.Read More »Reinvent Yourself: I Broke Up With Him Yesterday And Now I’m Free

Passion led us here

How Does It Feel When You’re Living Your Calling?

Over the last two months I’ve had very little sense of time.

I’ve been focused on writing every day. This has led to increased learning, personal growth, and literally transforming before my own eyes.

What I’ve realized is that I’ve created something that’s allowing me to be my most authentic, truthful self. I’ve created an outlet for my expression with Th-Ink Queerly, where my mission is to help people see things differently.

Watch:

Read More »How Does It Feel When You’re Living Your Calling?