What does it mean to label yourself as “straight-acting” and what does that say about you as a gay man?Read More »Living OUT Podcast – Are You Straight-Acting?
#IDAHOTB Starts With Looking At Ourselves If you’re an out and proud gay man - and whether or not you like to take it up the butt (and goodness me, why wouldn’t you? Come on, take it like a man!) - why would you… Read More »The Internalized Homophobia Of “Straight-Acting” Gay Men
For as long as I can remember I’ve always known, but for the longest time it wasn’t a feeling of pride. It was a combination of fear, guilt, shame, unrequited desire, silence, isolation, and otherness.
I was five or six years old when I went to a girl’s house to play. I don’t remember if she was from school or one of the kids in the neighbourhood. From my little boy’s eyes her house seemed like a mansion. The basement was so large I felt overwhelmed by the number of closed doors I could see. We went into a playroom filled with toys. I remember wanting to play with the dollhouse more than anything. Something about that moment made me self-conscious.Read More »I Knew I Was Gay When I Was Five Years Old
The following is an excerpt from my latest free book, The Four Steps To Solve Your Problems Guide.
You only need a few steps to make lasting, positive changes in your life. These steps are not complicated. The process doesn’t require reading a 300-page book, taking an 5-week online course, or days of getting ready to get ready.
There’s only one catch…
You need to take action, which is the hardest part of change.
To take the “right action” you need to know,
- What you want to change, and;
- What you are going to do to make that change.
As a gay man, what would it mean to live out the best of you?
For me it’s about understanding if I’ve left the best parts of me in the closet, and which of those parts I want to bring out and enjoy living.
Let me give you an example from my own life.
When I was a teenager growing up in the early 80s, I loved watching figure skating, gymnastics, and contemporary dance. I never got to practice any of those athletic activities, but I watched — in silence and in secret.Read More »What Does “Living OUT the Best of Me” Feel Like?
Over the last few days I’ve been monitoring responses to one of my articles on Medium, Not Having to Bake Cakes for LGBTQ People Is an Insult to Humanity.
I responded to the most lengthy comment by writing a post instead of a direct response. I’ve been publishing articles on Th-Ink Queerly since November 2017. I’m surprised it’s taken this long to get my first “hater.”
James Finn waded into the fray, dressed in linguistic battle fatigues. I admire him for his wisdom and eloquence. He said his piece. He tried. But sometimes in these situations it’s like we’re bashing our heads against the wall with no end in sight for the blood in our eyes.
It was my turn to put my foot down, but not with name calling. It’s easy to do. I’ve done it. I hate when I lose control and bitch out someone. There is no reasoning in shouting.Read More »The Problem of Freedom of Choice vs Discrimination
“When you drop the struggle with shame and accept life as it is without judgment, you find great freedom on the other side. It is freedom to be who you are, exactly as you are. The only real meaning in life is found in being who you are right now, without apologies.”
~ The Velvet Rage. Allan Downs
This quotation makes me proud to be an out, highly functioning gay man. 🙂
This quotation also reminds me of why it’s so important for me to proclaim my queer identity, and to be the change I want to see in the world.
Th-Ink Queerly is a double entendre times two.Read More »The Freedom of Accepting Who You Are Right Now
For as long as I can remember it’s always been a man and a woman.
For as long as I can remember it’s always been about god.
For as long as I can remember it’s always been about fitting in.
I have never had sex with a woman.
I never want to. I have known I was gay since I was five years old, but I didn’t know the words.
I don’t believe in god.
The only thing that might come close is having faith in my potential.Read More »Shoving My Queer Agenda in Your Face — Take It!
Some time ago I watched the third season of Netflix’s Chef’s Table. One of the featured chefs, Jeong Kwan, is a Buddhist monk who lives in Korea and is world-renowned for her vegetarian cooking.
Everything she does is a mediation of sorts. Her day is a cycle of meditation and prayer, planting and harvesting, long-term food preparation (like preparing kimchi which needs time to ferment), and daily meal preparation for her fellow monks.
“Creativity and ego cannot go together.” — Jeong Kwan
In the Western world we are constantly striving
We are building things.
We are creating things.
We are solving the problems that we have created for ourselves.Read More »What Are We Striving For — As Individuals and as a Human Collective?
When Did You Come Out?
If you’re over 40 you might have come out at a time when you had to fit in as the “acceptable” gay. So you came out, but you still had to fit in!
As gay men we have lived lives of not always speaking our truth, of withholding who we are from others, and subsequently feeling shame for doing so. But when you unbox your hidden, suppressed truths, you give them life, and yourself freedom.
This is where change begins, with awareness of our closeted truths, of held back secret dreams and desires.
You can be out, but not expressing your complete identity. You’re out, but you’ve boxed yourself in to conform to social norms.
You may have lovely things like a house, a partner, a quality car, and fashionable clothes and accessories.
You may enjoy the finer things in life like the freedom to travel, to eat out at nice restaurants, to contribute or volunteer for charitable causes.
You might even have adopted the perfectly straight lifestyle and got married.Read More »To Be Happy and Fulfilled As Gay Men We Need To Break Out Of The Box