Faith is passive – Trust is action oriented. 

Faith is an expectation that what you can’t prove is true, what will come to pass, or what you believe to be true without reason or logic. When you trust in the process, when you trust in yourself, you make decisions about what you’re going to do to succeed.

Trust is present-moment looking towards the future past.

When you trust something will happen, you are anticipating it happening or having happened. 

I can only hope that something happens, all the while trusting in my ability to take the necessary steps to manifest my hope (my goals and dreams) into reality.


Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com ~ Photo by Margie Savage

 

Want to achieve a goal that really means something to you?

Want to accomplish something that will make all the difference in your life or the lives of others?

How do you get started?Do you write out a single goal with a deadline and hope for the best?

This used to be my way of thinking (I’m sure many people have experienced the same thing):

“I can just set goals using this goal-setting strategy I found to get what I want.”

For years I struggled with setting goals that I never achieved. I’ve read more books about goal setting and tried more goal setting programs and methods than I care to count.

You might be asking, “Is Darren going to tell me he’s created a new goal setting method? Is he going to tell me his method is the one that solves the problems people have with setting and achieving goals?”

Nope.

I have not created anything new. I have not created a new goal setting method.

Instead, I’ve done some reverse engineering. I’ve flipped certain productivity systems on their heads. What I discovered, having tried so many goal setting processes over the years, is that something important was missing.

There are many great tools, systems, and apps that you can use to establish, manage, and achieve your goals.

What’s missing from most goal-setting systems, is a METHOD that precedes and SUPPORTS the system.

Photo by Neil Thomason Unsplash

If that sounds vague, remember I said above? That I always felt like something important was missing from goal setting systems?

Imagine you want to build a house. If you don’t design an build a solid, safe structure, don’t expect to dance around carefree on the main floor without it collapsing and crashing into the basement.

Like the collapsing floor, this is what happens to most people who set goals. Their system collapses and they fall through the structure, failing at their goals.

The reason is because they started at a point in a system that was missing its foundations.

They didn’t know that they first needed to assess the ground they were going to dig up to build their new home. They needed to determine what reinforcements they might need to solidify their plan.

They didn’t conduct an initial assessment of how they go to where they are now in life.

They were “ignorant” of their problems and struggles, which negatively affected creating a solid plan for what they want to achieve.

Without the initial assessment of what’s worked and not worked for you in the past, it can be difficult — if not a complete failure — to make successful progress on your goals and dreams.

This is the perfect explanation for why most New Year’s resolutions never amount to anything. They are empty goals because they have no foundations of support.

The structure isn’t where everything starts.

First you need to know why you want to do anything. Let’s call that you mission or calling in life — whatever word makes the most sense to you.

If you’re not sure what you were put on this earth to do, I suggest you take the time to get clarity about what would inspire you.

If you know your mission, but that hasn’t helped you get what you want, take a step back. Clearly something is missing from your plan, or something is blocking you.

Like a set of architectural drawings, the concept is the long-term vision created before the first shovel hits the ground to dig the foundation.

Photo by Sergey Zolkinon Unsplash

Often the big problems in our lives contain the lessons we most need to learn.

When you’re face down in the mud you can’t see anything else. You need distance to understand why you’re in the thick with your problems or struggles.

When you step back far enough to see how you got to this point, and why you might be stuck, you can identify what’s not working for you. Knowing that you might come up with solutions to solve your challenges to get to where you want to go.

How to get clear on what’s been holding you back.

There are many helpful steps to understand why certain events, people, emotions, etc. are holding you back. I have found that the following structure works best to clear the path to achieving your goals. With the path clear, you can spend more of your time and energy working on achieving your goals, and living our your dreams.

Here are the steps:
  1. You get clear about how you got to this point in your life by performing a unique Get Clarity Process.
  2. You identify what you’re struggling with and the biggest problems keeping you stuck.
  3. You assess the foundations of your life to find out if extra support in certain areas (like health, career, friendships, fun, etc.) will improve the quality of your life.
  4. You get clear on your mission in life, and what you most want to accomplish in the next 3 years, as well as WHY that’s so important to you.
  5. You turn your 3-year dream, connected with your mission, into an action plan, with a focus on taking tiny steps. A single step creates motion and thus momentum.
  6. Finally, you establish structured micro and macro schedules. This will help optimize wins in your day by way of increased flow states and happiness.

All the steps above lead to greater productivity and manifesting your goals with more efficiency.

The reason why so most productivity methods and systems don’t work.

Photo by Daria Nepriakhinaon Unsplash

Most productivity systems are too narrowly focused on a single aspect of productivity. They focus on one thing like, scheduling, morning routines, or time chunking. They are missing the most important element: YOU.

It’s NOT about finding the “right” program or tool.

The only thing you need is a growth mindset and a willingness to change what you’ve been doing in the past, to get the improvements you desire for your future.

When you operate from a unique “Life Design” plan — that connects your why with your values and your goals, along with a effective productivity strategies — you will have the excitement and motivation to achieve your goals, no matter what problems or obstacles show up.

This story was originally published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by +384,399 people.

Cover Photo by Hans M on Unsplash

In the Western world we are constantly striving.

We are building things.

We are creating things.

We are solving the problems that we have created for ourselves.

We are trying to outperform others.

We are trying to create more than our neighbour, or to have more income than anyone else.

While some of us are working to achieve balance, others are doing everything possible to increase their net worth at the expense of humanity’s and the planet’s well-being.

What can YOU do in the face of striving at the expense of humanity?


Articles mentioned in the podcast:

What Are We Striving For — As Individuals and as a Human Collective?

Navigating Love, Sex, and a Mixed-Orientation Marriage


Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com ~ Photo by “My Life Through A Lens” on Unsplash

What is overwhelm?

It’s a state of being in which you feel total overpowered by one or more emotions, situations, or everything all at once.

In truth it’s an emotional state in which you are overly identified with too many of your problems or struggles and you are stuck in your head. It’s a vicious cycle, and the problem is that you are not your problems!

So how do you take back control?

The first step is to move in a different way. Yes, move, but differently….


What I described in today’s episode is one part of Step 1 in my ADD Coaching Method.

If you’d like to find out how to create a 3-year plan to accomplish you goals and dreams in 8 steps, Grab your seat on on my free webinar, Wednesday, November 07, 2018.

Direct link: https://darrenstehle.lpages.co/add-webinar/


Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com ~ Photo by Gabriel Matula on Unsplash

Join me live on Wednesday, November 7th, 2018 at 10 AM EST, for a free webinar. You will learn:

1. How to reverse engineer your 3-year dream and create value-based goals UNIQUE TO YOU.

Unleash your “values-based motivation” to take action on your goals – even in the face of problems and struggles.

2. How to purge nasty habits holding you back from accomplishing your dreams.

What causes distractions in our lives? How we manage ourselves with all of this information coming at us is critical to our success.

3. How to link multiple productivity strategies in a unique sequence to increase your effectiveness 10x.

The reason so many productivity methods and systems don’t work in the long term is because they’re too narrowly focused on a single aspect of productivity.

This is not a pre-recorded training.

Join me live on Wednesday November 7th, 2018 and find out why most goal setting and productivity systems are missing “one” key factor, which may be blocking you from accomplishing your goals.


The webinar is over, but if you’d like to be notified of the next one, add your name to my mailing list, below:

In this episode I speak about the challenge for gay men to forgive homophobia in their lives – be it from individuals, family, and society at large.

The topic for the episode was inspired by a discussion of models of forgiveness in Raymond L. Rigolisoso’s ground-breaking book, “Gay Men and The New Way Forward” and from his coaching group that I’m participating in, “Gay Men of Wisdom”.

I discuss the meaning and origins of the word, forgiveness, and what it means to me on a personal level (including how I’ve experienced homophobia and what I do and don’t forgive). I dive into how we could define forgiveness with respect to homophobia to contribute to the betterment of society.

I look at where forgiveness as a distinct gay male gift originates and how that knowledge could shape future generations.

With forgiveness we do not condone homophobia. Instead we seek to confront it with compassion and dialogue. When we can come from that place it demonstrates to others the level of self-worth we have for ourselves.


Discover how to create a 3-year plan to accomplish you goals and dream that excites the fuck out of you in 8 simple, systematic steps!

Sign up for my free webinar on Wednesday, November 07, 2018:

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com ~ Photo by Felix Koutchinski on Unsplash

If you want to accomplish something that’s important to you, do you believe that setting a goal with a deadline, or making a New Year’s resolution will do the trick?

Do you create lists of goals with the best intentions, but then for whatever reason, you never accomplish them?

Over the years of studying personal development, goal setting systems, and personal productivity methods, I’ve discovered that there are a myriad of ways to establish, manage, and follow through on your goals – within a particular system.

However, what’s MOST often missing from all of those systems is the METHOD – the STRUCTURE – that precedes and SUPPORTS the system.


If you really want to resolve to do something BIG in the coming New Year…

If you’d rather be already be on your way to accomplishing your goals while everyone else is making up their New Year’s Resolutions…

If you’re ready to commit to taking action on accomplishing meaningful life goals that would help you live out your dreams in the next 3 years…

Then you’re ready for what I have to share with you in my upcoming webinar on Wednesday, November 07, 2018:

“How to create a plan to accomplish you goals and dreams in 3 years that excites the fuck out of you in 8 systematic steps.”


Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com ~ Photo by Mag Pole on Unsplash

Do you think the following statement is true:

People who are afraid of the future cling to the present.

When I first read that sentence it hit me hard, because of my recent awareness that I have ‘apparently’ been fearful of my own future. I’ve been experiencing fears around the promise of something new and I wasn’t sure if I could make my goals – my dream – a reality.

If you are fearful about the future, feeling frustrated, or at the end of your rope, it’s because you’re creating negative emotions in the present moment based on stories from your past.

You are looking back at what hasn’t happened, what you haven’t done, and negatively judging yourself for those choices and actions.

It’s not that you are afraid of the future, you are instead seeking to escape the reality of your present moment, which is a result of the choices and actions you’ve taken in the past.

The ADD To Your Life Group Program opens soon! Click the button below to book a discovery session with me and find out if this program is a fit for you.

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com ~ Photo

Have you hard the expression, “You need to fall in love with the process, not the goal”.

That’s only partially correct.

While it’s highly motivating to fall in love with the process, you never want to be attached to the goal. You don’t want to be emotionally dependant upon the goal.

You want to fall in love with the doing, the taking action, accepting, trusting, and believing that your choices and actions are leading towards your desired goal.

Love is an important emotion to drive your motivation in accomplishing goals.

It puts you in an open and receptive state. Feeling the love of the process will make it easier to slip into flow state, in which you lose track of time and space and simply do the work.

Love makes working on your desired goal easier. The more you focus on the doing – the present moment “journey”, and loving that process – there will be no attachment to outcome.

The ADD To Your Life Group Program opens soon! Click the button below to book a discovery session with me and find out if this program is a fit for you.


Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com ~ Photo by Alex Ortlieb on Unsplash 

Pretend that you recently accomplished a really big goal.

I’m talking the big-kahuna, significant life goal: a major promotion at work; a $30,000 sales target reached; you’ve moved into your dream home; you lost over 20 pounds of body fat; or whatever you have in mind as a meaningful, impactful goal.

Now that you find yourself in a much better place than you were before achieving that goal, you feel uncomfortable. You might even be experiencing fear. That is not what you expected!

It’s time to re-frame and adjust how you see yourself, here in this new state of being.

You have to let go of the old you and transform.


Want to learn how to create a plan to accomplish you goals and dreams in 3 years that excites the fuck out of you in 8 systematic steps?

Click here to sign up for my webinar on Wednesday, November 07, 2018: https://darrenstehle.lpages.co/add-webinar/


Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com ~ Photo by Robert Baker.