Responding to the Perpetrators who cause pain and injustice

On a daily basis – if you read headline news – there appears to be so much pain and anguish in the world. Often our intrinsic, immediate response to those who make us feel this way is to lash out or bash back.

Is outrage and / or physical violence an appropriate response, and if not, how can we better respond to injustice?

What individual and collective power do we have to make an unjust situation better?

What’s been happening over a long time, and what we are witnessing much more of in 2018, is an escalation of corruption, greed, and a complete loss of empathy and morality. We can fight with our fists and we can shout with our words, but that that will only create a greater division and dichotomy between those who believe they are right, and the other side that believes it is right.

This escalation into darkness will not create a humanitarian existence for life on this planet. Somehow we need to take a different approach that reinforces and demonstrates empathy – beyond what the evil-doers of this world have ever witnessed.


Want to Live OUT the best of who you already are as a gay man? Join my Facebook group, The Living OUT Experiment.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LivingOutExperiment/

Find me on Twitter & Medium: @darrenstehle

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com | Cover Photo by Jerry Kiesewetter on Unsplash

If you do any kind of work in the public eye, whether you write, podcast, record videos, and so on, you need to be ready for the haters. And by the way, this includes posting to your personal Twitter or Facebook pages! You never know who’s lurking and ready to attack you for your views and opinions.

Haters love to hate online.

It’s easy – they can often hide behind a profile without a face picture or even their real name as they barrage you with disrespectful, negative, bigoted, or bitter comments on any of your posts. They also love to invite their friends!

You can’t stop the haters.

You certainly don’t have to love them back, but in this week’s episode I’ll discuss how you can deal with them – and it’s probably not what you’d expect.

I also classify and discuss the three types of haters, and why the second type, the “bigoted hater” is easier to deal with that the third type, “the bitter, resentful, vile, vengeful, and unforgiving hater.”

Lastly, I talk about the unfortunate truth about most haters and why they attack in the first place.


If you’re a gay man who wants to Live OUT the best of who you are, join my Facebook group, The Living OUT Experiment:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LivingOutExperiment/

Find me on Twitter and Medium: @darrenstehle

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com | Cover photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash

Setting a standard of leadership starts with self-awareness

One of the many test of leadership is seen when the leader must make difficult decisions that affect other people.

True leadership is borne when others look to you for guidance. They might want to follow you, mimic you, or stand with you for what you believe is right and just. They will call you a leader, without you ever calling yourself one.

Effective leadership is measured by the actions the leader takes after the fact.

Sometimes being a leader means having to take complete ownership of a situation. I may talk with others to get advice on what to do, but ultimately the final “leadership” decision is my own. I have to own the decision and deal with whatever consequences follow. I have to believe in myself even when my choices are difficult to make – especially if my choices affect the livelihood or expression of others.

Leading others starts with how you lead yourself.

If you’re a gay man who wants to Live OUT the best of who you are, join my Facebook group, The Living OUT Experiment:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LivingOutExperiment/

Find me on Twitterand Medium: @darrenstehle


Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com

unsplash-logoJehyun Sung

If pride remains a protest, where does that leave us?

Pride will always be political so long as it continues to exist.

Pride, as a celebration – because it is celebrated – is a priori political because of its origins. Even to those to whom Pride only seems a big party, the nature and existence of Pride is built upon the foundations of a political movement.

The politics of pride are that of visibility, acceptance, and equality.

Pride says to onlookers, “Take notice, we’re here, we’re queer, you need to see that we exist, and we will march, protest, or party in the streets to celebrate who we are, and that love is love.”

How well a Pride does to espouse its political leanings varies from place to place and time to time. But Pride exists because it is and must be political; it will always allow for the possibility of political expression, no matter how small.

Should we remain marginalized, throwing bricks and protesting in the streets, or should we embrace both the party and protest?

Should we embrace the commercialization of Pride, but look to better control and regulate who profits from our identities, and how we are represented in society at large?


Find me on Twitterand Medium: @darrenstehle

If you’re a gay man who wants to Live OUT the best of who you are, join my Facebook group, The Living OUT Experiment:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LivingOutExperiment/

Music credit: “Summer” by BenSound.com ~ Post image source

Let’s talk about sex!

How does a sexual position make you feel and what does that say about you? Are you versatile, or do you only like it one way?

What was the impact of your first sexual experience on how you perceive pleasure and the development of your identity?

What does control mean to you with respect to sex?

I realize that much of my sexual identity stems from having been in the closet until I was 18. Needing to control my mannerisms so I could fit in and not be outed, had an impact on the level of control I need and enjoy in the bedroom.

Do you struggle with control issues and letting yourself be free to explore your sexual identity? Listen to episode for all the fun details!

Links mentioned in the episode:

Top Or Bottom? How it makes you feel vs how you perceive pleasure
https://medium.com/th-ink/top-or-bottom-33dc118edf15

If you’re a gay man who wants to Live OUT the best of who you are, join my Facebook group, The Living OUT Experiment:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LivingOutExperiment/

Find me on Twitterand Medium: @darrenstehle

Music credit: "Summer" by BenSound.com

It seems such a simple question: What do you want?

But do you know? This not about wanting things like a car, furniture, or making more money. Instead this question is about something much deeper. It’s about connecting with your core values and what your life would be like if you could finally have what you really want.

What often happens when clients tell me what they want is that they also tell me why they can’t have it. We all do this to some extent. We create conditions around why we can’t or shouldn’t have what we want. Sometimes it’s about self-worth, other times it’s fear of leaning out of your comfort zone.

This is an important episode if you want to break out of the box and get the life you want. 

If you’re a gay man who wants to Live OUT the best of who you are, join my Facebook group, The Living OUT Experiment:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LivingOutExperiment/

Find me on Twitterand Medium: @darrenstehle

Music credit: "Summer" by BenSound.com

As gay men we are always coming out of the closet to some degree. First we come out as gay – as an admission to ourselves about who we are.

Then we come out to different people at different times, like our friends or parents. Sometimes other people do the coming out for us. 

While you might not go “all the way back in” and completely hide who you are, how often have you changed something about yourself to fit in?

The small things like acting more “straight”, or changing / controlling your mannerisms (like tone of voice or body language). And what does that mean to live out the best of who you are?

Find me on Twitter and Medium: @darrenstehle

If you’re a gay man who wants to Live OUT the best of who you are, join my Facebook group, The Living OUT Experiment:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LivingOutExperiment/

Music credit: "Summer" by BenSound.com

This is the introductory episode of the Living OUT Podcast – helping gay men live out the best of who they are.

In this short episode I’ll tell you what the show is about, some of the topics I’ll be talking about, a brief bio about who I am, and why I’m doing this podcast.

Find me on Twitter and Medium: @darrenstehle

Music credit: "Summer" by BenSound.com

Last week I was interviewed on the Shaun Proulx Show on Sirius XM Canada Talks 167.

Shaun and I talked in detail about why many gay men still call themselves “straight acting”, and my article that prompted the conversation, The Internalized Homophobia Of “Straight-Acting” Gay Men.

We see this form of “gender policing” all the time in online dating apps.

Guys with profiles that use heteronormative labels like “straight-acting” or “normal”, as well as internalized homophobic language like, “no fems”.

So how can you be authentically gay? The truth comes at the end of the interview, but I’ll tell you here:

Stop acting – just be you!


Many thanks to Shaun Proulx for allowing me to share this interview with you. Learn more about Shaun on his website. He’s also the publisher of TheGayGuideNetwork.com (where I am also the editor).