T-Minus 15 Minutes To Lasting Change

four steps to solve your problems

The following is an excerpt from my latest free book, The Four Steps To Solve Your Problems Guide.


You only need a few steps to make lasting, positive changes in your life. These steps are not complicated. The process doesn’t require reading a 300-page book, taking an 5-week online course, or days of getting ready to get ready.

There’s only one catch…

You need to take action, which is the hardest part of change.

To take the “right action” you need to know,

  1. What you want to change, and;
  2. What you are going to do to make that change.

Continue reading “T-Minus 15 Minutes To Lasting Change”

What Does “Living OUT the Best of Me” Feel Like?

Living OUT Membership

As a gay man, what would it mean to live out the best of you?

For me it’s about understanding if I’ve left the best parts of me in the closet, and which of those parts I want to bring out and enjoy living.

Let me give you an example from my own life.

When I was a teenager growing up in the early 80s, I loved watching figure skating, gymnastics, and contemporary dance. I never got to practice any of those athletic activities, but I watched — in silence and in secret. Continue reading “What Does “Living OUT the Best of Me” Feel Like?”

The Problem of Freedom of Choice vs Discrimination

freedom of choice vs discrimination

Over the last few days I’ve been monitoring responses to one of my articles on Medium, Not Having to Bake Cakes for LGBTQ People Is an Insult to Humanity.

I responded to the most lengthy comment  by writing a post instead of a direct response. I’ve been publishing articles on Th-Ink Queerly since November 2017. I’m surprised it’s taken this long to get my first “hater.”

James Finn waded into the fray, dressed in linguistic battle fatigues. I admire him for his wisdom and eloquence. He said his piece. He tried. But sometimes in these situations it’s like we’re bashing our heads against the wall with no end in sight for the blood in our eyes.

It was my turn to put my foot down, but not with name calling. It’s easy to do. I’ve done it. I hate when I lose control and bitch out someone. There is no reasoning in shouting. Continue reading “The Problem of Freedom of Choice vs Discrimination”

The Freedom of Accepting Who You Are Right Now

“When you drop the struggle with shame and accept life as it is without judgment, you find great freedom on the other side. It is freedom to be who you are, exactly as you are. The only real meaning in life is found in being who you are right now, without apologies.”

~ The Velvet Rage. Allan Downs

This quotation makes me proud to be an out, highly functioning gay man. 🙂

This quotation also reminds me of why it’s so important for me to proclaim my queer identity, and to be the change I want to see in the world.

Th-Ink Queerly is a double entendre times two. Continue reading “The Freedom of Accepting Who You Are Right Now”

Shoving My Queer Agenda in Your Face — Take It!

For as long as I can remember it’s always been a man and a woman.

For as long as I can remember it’s always been about god.

For as long as I can remember it’s always been about fitting in.


I have never had sex with a woman.

I never want to. I have known I was gay since I was five years old, but I didn’t know the words.

I don’t believe in god.

The only thing that might come close is having faith in my potential. Continue reading “Shoving My Queer Agenda in Your Face — Take It!”

What Are We Striving For — As Individuals and as a Human Collective?

jeong_kwan_chefs_table

Some time ago I watched the third season of Netflix’s Chef’s Table. One of the featured chefs, Jeong Kwan, is a Buddhist monk who lives in Korea and is world-renowned for her vegetarian cooking.

Everything she does is a mediation of sorts. Her day is a cycle of meditation and prayer, planting and harvesting, long-term food preparation (like preparing kimchi which needs time to ferment), and daily meal preparation for her fellow monks.

“Creativity and ego cannot go together.” — Jeong Kwan

In the Western world we are constantly striving

We are building things.

We are creating things.

We are solving the problems that we have created for ourselves. Continue reading “What Are We Striving For — As Individuals and as a Human Collective?”