The Internalized Homophobia Of “Straight-Acting” Gay Men

#IDAHOTB Starts With Looking At Ourselves

If you’re an out and proud gay man - and whether or not you like to take it up the butt (and goodness me, why wouldn’t you? Come on, take it like a man!) - why would you label yourself as straight-acting?

This is the ultimate version of internalized homophobia for many gay men.

Ah yes, another Grindr profile with “straight-acting” or “Masc4Masc” in the description! I wonder if the guy who wrote that has a secret desire for drag queens? How emasculating! Continue reading “The Internalized Homophobia Of “Straight-Acting” Gay Men”

Divining the Depths of the Well of Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness-tom-sodoge-84368-unsplash

The follow is a meditative, flow-of-consciousness writing that I did this morning as part of my morning journal practice.


To Live OUT the Best of Who You Are, you begin witn an investigation into your queer identity to un-closet the stories of who you are.

Once you begin to see the plot lines of your unique story, you can decide which ones have served you, which ones you can let go of, and how to plot the next chapter of your life. Continue reading “Divining the Depths of the Well of Self-Awareness”

Have You Left The Best Parts Of You In The Closet?

closet-door-george-kedenburg-iii-421933-unsplash

There are two examples from my life when I was living fully out, gay and proud, and expressing who I was.

And then I screwed it up!

I guess within the limitations of the status quo I came out “too much and too far.” The outside influence and opinions of other people forced parts of me back into the closet.

When I was 35 (in 2001) I had a faux-hawk hair cut done for Toronto Pride that June, and for the first time ever I dyed my hair. The tips of the faux-hawk were stop-sign-red. I love the colour red – it’s aggressive and vibrant – and that was the energy I wanted to express at Pride that year.

I remember going to train one of my personal training clients at her home. The look she gave me when she opened the door and saw my hair cut…. She suggested I should tone it down to try and fit in. Continue reading “Have You Left The Best Parts Of You In The Closet?”

If Fear Is the Mind Killer What Is Its Opposite?

fear is the mind killer

The fewer fears we have the more open-minded and accepting we are of possibilities and variations in all aspects of life and humanity.

When we are afraid of the wrath of an imaginary being in the sky, we will be fearful of anything we are told is unacceptable, against god, or an action that will deny you entry to heaven.

I have to wonder if radical fundamentalism is one the more extreme forms of the fear of mortality. Believe, follow the rules, become born again, and whatever you do in this life will be forgiven in the afterlife. Ah, no worries, I’m already saved!

When we are afraid of the colour of someone’s skin, different than our own, we might also be afraid of the possibilities and variance of sexuality and gender.

Continue reading “If Fear Is the Mind Killer What Is Its Opposite?”

I Knew I Was Gay When I Was Five Years Old

I knew I was gay

For as long as I can remember I’ve always known, but for the longest time it wasn’t a feeling of pride. It was a combination of fear, guilt, shame, unrequited desire, silence, isolation, and otherness.

I was five or six years old when I went to a girl’s house to play. I don’t remember if she was from school or one of the kids in the neighbourhood. From my little boy’s eyes her house seemed like a mansion. The basement was so large I felt overwhelmed by the number of closed doors I could see. We went into a playroom filled with toys. I remember wanting to play with the dollhouse more than anything. Something about that moment made me self-conscious. Continue reading “I Knew I Was Gay When I Was Five Years Old”