Let’s talk about sex!

How does a sexual position make you feel and what does that say about you? Are you versatile, or do you only like it one way?

What was the impact of your first sexual experience on how you perceive pleasure and the development of your identity?

What does control mean to you with respect to sex?

I realize that much of my sexual identity stems from having been in the closet until I was 18. Needing to control my mannerisms so I could fit in and not be outed, had an impact on the level of control I need and enjoy in the bedroom.

Do you struggle with control issues and letting yourself be free to explore your sexual identity? Listen to episode for all the fun details!

Mentioned in the episode:

Top Or Bottom? How it makes you feel vs how you perceive pleasure.

It seems such a simple question: What do you want?

But do you know? This not about wanting things like a car, furniture, or making more money. Instead this question is about something much deeper. It’s about connecting with your core values and what your life would be like if you could finally have what you really want.

What often happens when clients tell me what they want is that they also tell me why they can’t have it. We all do this to some extent. We create conditions around why we can’t or shouldn’t have what we want. Sometimes it’s about self-worth, other times it’s fear of leaning out of your comfort zone.

This is an important episode if you want to break out of the box and get the life you want. 

As gay men we are always coming out of the closet to some degree. First we come out as gay – as an admission to ourselves about who we are.

Then we come out to different people at different times, like our friends or parents. Sometimes other people do the coming out for us. 

While you might not go “all the way back in” and completely hide who you are, how often have you changed something about yourself to fit in?

The small things like acting more “straight”, or changing / controlling your mannerisms (like tone of voice or body language). And what does that mean to live out the best of who you are?

This is the introductory episode of the Living OUT Podcast – helping gay men live out the best of who they are.

In this short episode I’ll tell you what the show is about, some of the topics I’ll be talking about, a brief bio about who I am, and why I’m doing this podcast.

Last week I was interviewed on the Shaun Proulx Show on Sirius XM Canada Talks 167.

Shaun and I talked in detail about why many gay men still call themselves “straight acting”, and my article that prompted the conversation, The Internalized Homophobia Of “Straight-Acting” Gay Men.

We see this form of “gender policing” all the time in online dating apps.

Guys with profiles that use heteronormative labels like “straight-acting” or “normal”, as well as internalized homophobic language like, “no fems”.

So how can you be authentically gay? The truth comes at the end of the interview, but I’ll tell you here:

Stop acting – just be you!

Many thanks to Shaun Proulx for allowing me to share this interview with you. Learn more about Shaun on his website. He’s also the publisher of TheGayGuideNetwork.com (where I am also the editor).

#IDAHOTB Starts With Looking At Ourselves

If you’re an out and proud gay man - and whether or not you like to take it up the butt (and goodness me, why wouldn’t you? Come on, take it like a man!) - why would you label yourself as straight-acting?

This is the ultimate version of internalized homophobia for many gay men.

Ah yes, another Grindr profile with “straight-acting” or “Masc4Masc” in the description! I wonder if the guy who wrote that has a secret desire for drag queens? How emasculating! Read More

The follow is a meditative, flow-of-consciousness writing that I did this morning as part of my morning journal practice.

To Live OUT the Best of Who You Are, you begin witn an investigation into your queer identity to un-closet the stories of who you are.

Once you begin to see the plot lines of your unique story, you can decide which ones have served you, which ones you can let go of, and how to plot the next chapter of your life. Read More

There are two examples from my life when I was living fully out, gay and proud, and expressing who I was.

And then I screwed it up!

I guess within the limitations of the status quo I came out “too much and too far.” The outside influence and opinions of other people forced parts of me back into the closet.

When I was 35 (in 2001) I had a faux-hawk hair cut done for Toronto Pride that June, and for the first time ever I dyed my hair. The tips of the faux-hawk were stop-sign-red. I love the colour red – it’s aggressive and vibrant – and that was the energy I wanted to express at Pride that year.

I remember going to train one of my personal training clients at her home. The look she gave me when she opened the door and saw my hair cut…. She suggested I should tone it down to try and fit in. Read More