Last week I was interviewed on the Shaun Proulx Show on Sirius XM Canada Talks 167.

Shaun and I talked in detail about why many gay men still call themselves “straight acting”, and my article that prompted the conversation, The Internalized Homophobia Of “Straight-Acting” Gay Men.

We see this form of “gender policing” all the time in online dating apps.

Guys with profiles that use heteronormative labels like “straight-acting” or “normal”, as well as internalized homophobic language like, “no fems”.

So how can you be authentically gay? The truth comes at the end of the interview, but I’ll tell you here:

Stop acting – just be you!

Many thanks to Shaun Proulx for allowing me to share this interview with you. Learn more about Shaun on his website. He’s also the publisher of (where I am also the editor).

#IDAHOTB Starts With Looking At Ourselves

If you’re an out and proud gay man - and whether or not you like to take it up the butt (and goodness me, why wouldn’t you? Come on, take it like a man!) - why would you label yourself as straight-acting?

This is the ultimate version of internalized homophobia for many gay men.

Ah yes, another Grindr profile with “straight-acting” or “Masc4Masc” in the description! I wonder if the guy who wrote that has a secret desire for drag queens? How emasculating! Read More

The follow is a meditative, flow-of-consciousness writing that I did this morning as part of my morning journal practice.

To Live OUT the Best of Who You Are, you begin witn an investigation into your queer identity to un-closet the stories of who you are.

Once you begin to see the plot lines of your unique story, you can decide which ones have served you, which ones you can let go of, and how to plot the next chapter of your life. Read More

There are two examples from my life when I was living fully out, gay and proud, and expressing who I was.

And then I screwed it up!

I guess within the limitations of the status quo I came out “too much and too far.” The outside influence and opinions of other people forced parts of me back into the closet.

When I was 35 (in 2001) I had a faux-hawk hair cut done for Toronto Pride that June, and for the first time ever I dyed my hair. The tips of the faux-hawk were stop-sign-red. I love the colour red – it’s aggressive and vibrant – and that was the energy I wanted to express at Pride that year.

I remember going to train one of my personal training clients at her home. The look she gave me when she opened the door and saw my hair cut…. She suggested I should tone it down to try and fit in. Read More

The fewer fears we have the more open-minded and accepting we are of possibilities and variations in all aspects of life and humanity.

When we are afraid of the wrath of an imaginary being in the sky, we will be fearful of anything we are told is unacceptable, against god, or an action that will deny you entry to heaven.

I have to wonder if radical fundamentalism is one the more extreme forms of the fear of mortality. Believe, follow the rules, become born again, and whatever you do in this life will be forgiven in the afterlife. Ah, no worries, I’m already saved!

When we are afraid of the colour of someone’s skin, different than our own, we might also be afraid of the possibilities and variance of sexuality and gender.

Read More

For as long as I can remember I’ve always known, but for the longest time it wasn’t a feeling of pride. It was a combination of fear, guilt, shame, unrequited desire, silence, isolation, and otherness.

I was five or six years old when I went to a girl’s house to play. I don’t remember if she was from school or one of the kids in the neighbourhood. From my little boy’s eyes her house seemed like a mansion. The basement was so large I felt overwhelmed by the number of closed doors I could see. We went into a playroom filled with toys. I remember wanting to play with the dollhouse more than anything. Something about that moment made me self-conscious. Read More

The following is an excerpt from my latest free book, The Four Steps To Solve Your Problems Guide.

You only need a few steps to make lasting, positive changes in your life. These steps are not complicated. The process doesn’t require reading a 300-page book, taking an 5-week online course, or days of getting ready to get ready.

There’s only one catch…

You need to take action, which is the hardest part of change.

To take the “right action” you need to know,

  1. What you want to change, and;
  2. What you are going to do to make that change.

Read More

As a gay man, what would it mean to live out the best of you?

For me it’s about understanding if I’ve left the best parts of me in the closet, and which of those parts I want to bring out and enjoy living.

Let me give you an example from my own life.

When I was a teenager growing up in the early 80s, I loved watching figure skating, gymnastics, and contemporary dance. I never got to practice any of those athletic activities, but I watched — in silence and in secret. Read More

Over the last few days I’ve been monitoring responses to one of my articles on Medium, Not Having to Bake Cakes for LGBTQ People Is an Insult to Humanity.

I responded to the most lengthy comment  by writing a post instead of a direct response. I’ve been publishing articles on Th-Ink Queerly since November 2017. I’m surprised it’s taken this long to get my first “hater.”

James Finn waded into the fray, dressed in linguistic battle fatigues. I admire him for his wisdom and eloquence. He said his piece. He tried. But sometimes in these situations it’s like we’re bashing our heads against the wall with no end in sight for the blood in our eyes.

It was my turn to put my foot down, but not with name calling. It’s easy to do. I’ve done it. I hate when I lose control and bitch out someone. There is no reasoning in shouting. Read More