I am an out and proud gay man.

Darren and Christiaan
Me (on the right) and Christiaan.

Being gay is not all that I am, but for most of my life I’ve struggled to different degrees with being a fully out, completely self-accepting gay man.

The closet is a powerful container. I was trapped inside until I came out at 18 years old to my closest friends after high school. The truth is that we never stop coming out – it’s a life-long process.

No matter how out we are, we will always carry a bit of the closet around with us.

We are conditioned as gay men to fit in, to act normal, and to be just like everyone else. That affects how we perceive the world and how we feel about ourselves.

The problem with trying to fit in, is that that we will have to lock away parts of who we are – our mannerisms, character traits, things we like to talk about, etc. Holding parts of yourself back is not living out the best of who you are.

My background is as diverse as it is queer.

After high school I participated in a youth volunteer program, backpacked across Europe for four month, studied chef training for a year, and then worked on a Master’s of German language and linguistics.

I worked for Pink Triangle Press for ten years, managing their gay men’s tele-personals system (long before dating apps existed). Then I transitioned into health and fitness coaching, which helped lead me to what I do now: coaching gay men to live out the best of who they are.

I live in Toronto, Canada, with my partner, Christiaan.

I am also the founder & publisher of Th-Ink Queerly.


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